....Moving on. !!!!

Oh boy is it hard!!! Not a day went by without me thinkin bout him, his last words rang in my head when he told me it was over and it still brings tears to my eyes!!

Although i knew it was over, becasue he didnt have the heart to leave his family as they wouldnt accept me!! I rang him askin him why with alot of anger!! Why did u play me? Why did u change me (coverting)? Why did i waste 4 years with him!! Why did he not think bout this!!! We talked bout this, argued bout this and why has he lied to me he couldnt live without me and have the heart to dump me and break my heart!!!

Everything was why why why why why why!!

I was so down, and i am still bloody depressed!! I went so low in my life, i text him that i will do whatever it take to make it work, i said can we not try, i told him i was willing to wait, didnt matter how many years it took. But each time i was let down, told to go away, move on, theres no hope!! It really felts that he stole my heart, patted it squezzed it, drained it and stamped all over it that it was left into millions of pies!! And now i'm left to pick myself up!!!

Its been a month, and i told him thats it - why im i such a fool for begging him when its clear he doesnt want me, why im i so stupid to make myself go so low!! i'm better than this!! So i got myself together, woke up 5am in the morning when i had only just shut my eye, went to work for 10hours, came home to a tired exhausted person who could finally get a good night sleep without draining her pillow. That didnt work for too long cuase the weekend came and i had nothing to keep myself busy!! i had been with my ex bf for so long that i've lost contact with friends and i feel like im on my todd!!

throughout this month, i text him rang him, and i bite my tongue and tell myself not to, so i wrote emails and then saved them in drafts and then deleted them. It felt abit better getting all the hurt and anger out of me!! i really wanted him to feel really sh8t for hurtin me, i really wanted him to feel bad for every pain he cost me!! but in the end, i thought no!! i'm better than this. Tonight, i put everything together, what he bought me, including a plantinum diamond ring!! I thought to myself - im going to drive to his house and throw them at his doorstep, and when i got in my car, i told myself why im i gettin so angry!! i realised i was gettin so angry cause he didnt care - and it hurts so bad to know that!! i opened every card he wrote for me each card with an essay written in as i loved stories!! Cards meant more than gifts to me!! Tears strolled down, and i ripped each one uncontolably with tears bursting out!! I finally put everything in the wheeley bin and decided it wasnt even worth donating to charity!!!

Valentines is coming up this saturday, lets wait and see wot a state i am and if im off my edge in lossing the plot!! But so far i feel much better for getting this off my chest!!

For those who have had your heart broken, those will know how hard it is to move on with their lives!!!

I was dating my ex boyfriend for nearly 4 years, from day 1 like any other couple it was a crush which quickly turned into lust and love!! I'm a smart woman, with a good career, bought up from a good family with good morals - basically i'm not a fuk up!!! Many times like all couples i will argue with my ex boyfirend, over the silly little things, and like always we will get back together!! I've got the patience with everyone else but when it comes to my own family and my ex bofriend (some1 who i really love) the littlest things bugs me.

My ex boyfriend is a muslim, from day 1 i knew i was gettin myself in a rollercoaster, but like a stupid woman i am who seeked for love, i went with the flow!! As time went by we grew closer and closer, and serious talks were on the way about the future!! One day he sat me down, and asked me to convert otherwise the relationship would not work. I was really upset as i was never raised to change who i am and accept that way my family have bought me up with my own traditions. That night he asked me was our 2 year anniversary and oh boy it was a night to remember when he punched the hotel window with anger when i flately refused. Everything happened so fast, and within secodns blood was pouring from his hand, and it was so much that my heart really ached as i didnt want anything to happen to him. I was really mad inside that he done that and at the same time really worried. Anyways that was over, and i realised how much i meant to him, that he bled so much, surely i must have had a big mark etched on his heart.

I could go on for days and days and write every detail wot we been thru. But many times i used to think to myself, what i'm i gettin myself into?? A guy who wants me to convert, a guy who has no career or education, a guy who doesnt have the money to provide for me and for our future!! The guy was a muslim and the family was everything to him. Without his family he's nothing, and i can understand that they gave birth to him, raised him for so many years but oh gosh they are so selfish and stuborn!!!

The nigh before we broke up - for good!! We went out for a meal, that night we went with one of his friends and we started talkin about another couple in the same situation!! His friends exact words was "i'm sorry, i don't want to offend you!! But i wouldnt leave my family for no girl - ..... is stupid if he's thinking about that"

I sat there defending that girl and her boyfriend who they were talking bout, and my ex boyfriend sat there and didnt say a word. That night i returned back to his house, still stunned not by what his friend said, but the fact that my ex boyfriend didnt not say a word - which really made me think. All these thoughts ran through my head - no we broke up over this, we talked bout this many many times, we talked bout him gettin a job, us gettin a house, having kids etc etc!! And all night i looked at him thinking!!!

The next day, i forgot bout it and went out for my friends birthday, and to my surprise he rang and said he needed to talk.  From that point, i knew!! I knew it wasnt something good!! And i was right!! i couldnt look him in the eye and watch those unmeangful tears and feel sorry for him cause he made me go through 2 abortions, made me want to give everything to him and even telling him that i would convert!!! I stepped out of the car, and walked home 3am in the morning in tears with him walking behind me!! i didnt want him near me, how could he!! How could he break my heart like that!! After everything we been thru, all the tears and problems we overcome!! And he decided to throw it away!! why did he not let me go when i wanted to walk away, why why why why why!!! From the nigh onwards it was over!!!